The Discovery Journey Of K: Episode 3 – The Relationship Dilemma

(The Discovery Journey is dedicated to the young people of the world. To read previous episodes in The Discovery Journey of K visit here)

The following morning K wrote in her journal: “I find myself listening more and more to my intuition, and when I act on this inner guidance it brings me great strength and energy that was not accessible before. I am beginning to recognize what strengthens me and what makes me weak, what energizes me and what makes me feel tired. I also see that this cause my balances to shift and I feel different attractions and repulsions. People that I never knew all of a sudden are friendly and open to me and some of my friends are drifting away.”

“I love following my intuition but I am now faced with new dilemmas and decisions that are not popular and I am a little unsure. Habits and relationships have their nourishing power but can also create a certain heaviness or weight. D and I have been loyal friends for each other for many years but I see that I am now moving on to places she can’t or won’t go. Still, I know that I must continue, that there is more for me to do and be, even if it means giving up the known and the friendly. Don’t these two always seem to come together – in every move forward there’s a giving up of the current foothold, like stepping on a row of stones across a river – there is one moment where you are no longer on the first stone but not yet safe on the new next stone. It is natural that I feel uncertain.”

K continued to write: “What I know for sure is that I want to evolve and grow but I do not want to hurt people. As I grow in my awareness I begin to see things I did not see before and these insights cause changes in me. My female friends and male friends react differently. Changes I make seem to scare D who is getting upset with me because there are things I no longer want to speak about and do even though they are things we shared in the past. I am sensitive to her struggle but I am also sensitive to the needs of my growth. I have to keep my mind clear and focused so I can be present in what I do. I cannot continue to carry around ‘old luggage’ I used to carry in my mind. In D’s eyes I am no longer the person I used to be which for her turns up as a loss. She is grieving the friendship we used to have. I am grieving it too but I understand that my grief is part of the pain of growth. Even though I have compassion for D, I realize that I cannot take on her struggle as my own. True friendship is not in confirming each other’s weakness and resisting change.”

K paused to reflect on what she just wrote. She felt good journaling these thoughts. “I pray for her strength and hold the best that I know about her in my mind as I seek to make my own higher choices. The new voice in me tells me I am not to feel guilty for my desire to grow. I try to explain what is happening to D. She feels alienated not because of me or a lessening of my affection for her, but because of where she is in her own growth. She sees my growth as a betrayal. But it is not. My growth is about the joy I begin to discover daily and the precious meaning I continue to find. This joy is found in the courage to follow my intuition and see what becomes more important every day. I hope to be strong enough and forgiving for myself and for D.”

© Aviv Shahar

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